By Rev Fr Gerald Nwafor
One wonders why a woman would have 12 children, or more, as the case maybe. I heard about the pains of labor from my sister, who was very close to me since she was the only girl in my family. I could see the experience and pain through her eyes as she was explaining it. My mother did not want to explain to me in detail, since I would never experience what it is like to bear a child.
As a child coming from the city to the village, there was always temptation looking at the mango trees with a treasure of ripe mangoes. We would look around the corner to see if there was a stone or stick lying around. If you were lucky to find a stone, you would move to the second part: looking around to see if anyone was looking at you or watching you closely. The third part was picking up the stone and trying your skill of shooting (aka-ntu), that is, throwing the stone at the ripe mango without missing your target. Your shot could swing to any side of the divide. You could be successful, and nobody would notice your nuisance, and you would hit one or two mangoes and pick them up and run away with your booty. On the flipside many things can go wrong. First, you may miss the target and the stone/stick will head to another compound where it could have caused unlimited havoc (breaking someone’s head, someone’s window glass, someone’s clay-water-pot (ite-ona), or the worst of all, a car’s wind-shield). In any of the above-mentioned disasters, your father or mother would be merciless with you, and the victims of your menace would not spare you either. This is not a question of whether you will be flogged or caned, but how many lashes will be given to your buttocks.
I found myself in such a situation twice and my father was not merciful in either case. I received more than 36 strokes of the cane but that didn’t make me hate my dad. But the pain was so severe that I hated the doctor who treated me afterwards, because he put iodine on it and my eyes saw my ears. Even till today, I do not want to see that doctor. I look back today and I ask myself, “Between my father and the doctor who should I hate or dread?”The wise man said that when you are picking and choosing your friends, do not waste your time looking for the good person who will not hurt you or disappoint you; rather, look for the one whom you can forgive because everyone will hurt you or disappoint you in one way or another.
I asked my sister if she would have more children since the pain was too much during labor. Her reply was “It depends on God (Chukwu ga ekwu).” That answer was not satisfactory for me, but I accepted it and walked away. I realized that it was the love of a child coming into the world that makes the pain of childbearing acceptable to the mother; other than that, I do not know what else.
We have friends and siblings who have done us much evil compared to what the stranger did to us, but we still talk to them, but not the stranger. We were celebrating and eating in a friend’s house, and his junior brother was serving us drinks and food. I remember that he told me that in the early 2000s, his brother made away with millions of Naira given to him to construct a home for the family, all the while sending my friend fake pictures of another building belonging to a rich man outside their village. When he came back and discovered that there was no building anywhere, and thousands of dollars had been squandered by his brother, my friend nearly ran mad, but thanks to God that he recollected himself and went back to Europe, where he lived another 15 years to organize his life afresh.
Thanks to God, he was able to save some money and came back to build a new house for himself. I was following his construction of the new house, and I witnessed how he fired his contractors and laborers because of a minimal discrepancy. I was surprised that he was able to forgive his brother and accept him back. So, I put the question to him to see why he cannot forgive a couple of dollars but was ready to forgive someone who squandered thousands of dollars. He reminded me of the popular Igbo adage that says Iwe nwanne ada eelu na okpukpu (A brother’s annoyance/anger doesn’t get to the bone). It was just because of love that he tolerated my brother’s misbehavior.
It’s not yet campaign time, but we can see that many people have started to campaign already. Although there is a state election coming up in November this year. We are going to vote for a new governor in Anambra State. I watched a lot of political actors saying the opposite of what they said four years ago, and I wondered if they really mean what they are saying now. We should not burn down the house because of the rat.
Soludo will contest for governorship, and Peter Obi will contest for president. You should remember that they are your brothers and beloved ones, for that matter. They may not be saints, but we have picked them to manage the affairs of our state in the past and in the present. In the past, Mr. Peter Obi, whom we all know as the man who rebuilt Anambra State. So, if any of our sons or daughters went to the side of insulting him, we can know why, since Nigerians have always said that politics is a dirty game.
Out of love, we will bear their pain. The governor is going for a second term. I am not a politician, but I have common sense, I have looked at the horizon, and I will make a conscientious decision on whom to vote for. I would not take money to vote for anyone. I will vote my conscience, but one thing is certain, I will not vote out of anger or pain, because love will conquer the pain. It will not kill the pain they have caused, but it has made it manageable and bearable so that I can vote wisely, not minding the contestants’ weaknesses and failures.
