BY REV FR GERALD NWAFOR
When I grew up, it was a common phenomenon to have girls living with families, we called them house girls. I grew up thinking that most of the house girls were cousins and nieces of the families that housed them. I later realized that some of the house girls were not related to the families that were housing them. Looking back now, I could tell the ones that were not related to the families and the ones that were. When the house girl is going to a quasi-secondary school and the children of the host (Oga-madam) will be going to a private school, the cost could settle 20 housemaids. Meanwhile, when you do not give the housemaid the best, she would transmit to your kids the ignorance and the bad habits she is accumulating from the community secondary memorial school.
From day one, the housemaids learned how to wash clothes, go to market, and how to manage the kitchen and small allowance given by the government. The house helper went to the city in tattered clothes and came back with bugs. Do not think that the bed bug will not get into your house because you are superior. Whatever you do to the house-help will come back to your family 100%. If you treat the maids with dignity and honor, your kids will receive the same thing straight from the maids. You cannot give what you do not have. The house-help does not have the privilege to rest, so she works her butts off to help the family.
She is always on her toes, helping the host family. The children of the host will be sleeping from couch to couch, littering the parlor and the bedroom with leftover rice, chicken, and chocolate wrappers. The house girl would be running after them, trying to clean the mess the kids of the host were creating, while the oga-madam would be relaxing on the three-in-one sofa with a remote control in one hand and a mobile phone in the other hand. The only word that comes out of the mouth of the madam would be, “When you are done cleaning the children’s room, go over to my room and clean it too because I am going out by 12 PM to get my hair and nails done.” The housemaid would not be asked if she had had breakfast or lunch. If she tries to eat breakfast while one of the sons or daughters of the host is crying, hell will break out. That is how horrible corporal punishment would land on her head, back, butts, hand, or leg. Madam, please take it easy, house girls are human beings with flesh and blood like you.
When you give your kids to someone to live with, please visit the family at least once a year and ask your daughter or son how they are doing and what’s going on with them. Do not presume that since they are living with wealthy families in Enugu, Onitsha, Lagos, Awka, Nnewi, Ekwuluobia, Benin City, and Abuja, they are fine. It does not follow, since human beings are naturally weak animals.
When we were growing up, we knew some good families who took in some girls. It was only when those girls graduated from the university in the 90s, and some people showed up for graduation and were called the parents of the girls, that we discovered that the host family were not the biological parents of the three girls. The girls were well-treated and taken care of in that family and the kids of the host respected them so much. They were doing all the work, but the hosts forced their kids to always join them. They were all in the same school. Nobody went to a different school. They were all treated equally.
The girls were so smart that in the evening we would visit the house so that we could join in the classes they give to the children of the host family. We thought they were teaching their junior brothers and sisters. The house girls that were well taken care of always gave the host family their best although there might be few exceptions, but exception is not the rule here. Treat them well first before you start complaining that so-and-so of the house helps are monsters from the pit of hell. The host family should not separate the nanny from the biological family completely because they are from a less privileged family. Sometimes, send the nanny home to the biological family for Christmas or Easter so that you can watch your kids try to do the work alone, because the nanny will not be there forever. The absence of the nanny will tell you if the kids are making any progress domestically. The kids need to start making use of their brains and hands at a tender age. So exam time is when the nanny goes home for Christmas. Do not export the nanny home for home’s sake.
During the festive period, behave like Chief Ebisi, who would always buy bags of rice, bags of beans, tubers of yam, red oil, groundnut oil, goat, chicken, other food condiments, and cash and drop them with the nanny’s family. He told the family that the nanny would stay with them for the Christmas celebration, and he would come back to pick her up in January before school started. That should be the norm in relation to the nanny’s family. One good turn deserves another. Till today, the nanny’s family, the nanny, and Ebisi’s family are still like brothers and sisters from different parents. Treat the housemaids very well since they are the image of God too (Imago Dei). Do not focus on your children only and forget the maids. They are actually part of the instructional materials in your home. They bathe your kids, give them food, and take them to school (to and fro). If you do not take good care of the house girls, they will not learn kindness, and those unkind behaviors will be transmitted to your kids in real time.
The nannies should be taken care of in the way we take care of our biological kids. On Sunday, if the family is enjoying chicken for Sunday lunch, there is no reason for the nanny to be eating ice fish (Azu fridge). If the madam is buying Christmas dresses for the kids, she should buy new dresses for the nanny, not go back to the village to grab the dresses she wore as a young girl and tell the nanny that they’re from Bend Down Boutique (ok). What goes around comes around, what you sew you shall reap, if you train your house help well she will contribute positively to your family: but if you did not your guess is as good as mine. You cannot plant buckthorn and expect it to produce apple fruits.
