BY REV FR GERALD NWAFOR
I know that we have a lot of family structures in our society. The most paramount are the biological and social families. On the other hand, we have spiritual families born out of religion, which validates the nature of man as a religious animal. A look at any of the families would point to growth or decay in our society today. Let us crack open the discussion with the biological family, which is the first family for all humans. It has a blood connection and always serves as a gateway to all other families mentioned above.
My friend was super rich but doesn’t drink alcohol, nor does he smoke. When he called me for the opening of his house, the living room had a massive bar built with glasses and stacked with all kinds of wine, hard liquor, and very expensive champagne. I was surprised to see that kind of bar. I jokingly said, “You do not drink, why all these expensive drinks; you want to send us to dialysis while you keep your kidney and liver.” He busted out laughing and told me that he saw the design in a book and copied it. Fast forward to 2025 (23 years later), and his two sons are suffering from alcohol problems. He did not see the connection until I visited him and told him that kids learn quickly from what their parents do and what they project. If you are lying always in front of your kids, do not think they will not lie to you.
Our forefathers before the advent of orthodox psychology said that when the mother goat is chewing the cord, the baby goat keeps looking at her mouth (Nne ewu na ata agbala nwa ya ana ene ya anya na onu). Kids learn easily and confidently from their biological parents. Biological family values should lay the foundation first for our kids. Parents would first train the senior brother or sister before expecting them to help with the junior brothers and sisters. The child sent to steal by the father breaks the door of their victims with boldness (Nwa nna ya ziri ori na eji ukwu agbawa uzo).
There is one thing we should not allow civilization to take away from us. No matter how civilized we claim to be, parents should be obeyed and respected, and parents should show commitment and love. You cannot be so busy that you do not know where your kids are at every point in time. Here is a place where I recommend technology: if the parents are rich enough to buy a phone for their kids, they should share location as long as the kids are in their care.Our families continue to care for us since we carry their identity to the whole world. If your brother is dancing naked in the marketplace, you will be ashamed of yourself and your brother (Nwanne gi na agba ajo egwu na afia, oko iku ana ako gi).
Sometimes the whole society will be stigmatized because of the bad behavior of a townsman. Family values will always find their way into society. If your parents are good and you did something contrary to the values of your parents, the elders in society will begin to question your paternity.
In 1981, my brother bought a bicycle. I think it was 11 Naira. The problem was where to keep it. One Ikechukwu decided to keep it for himself. The following day, as early as 5 AM, there was a knock on our door. Ikechukwu’s father discovered the bicycle and asked him where he got it from. He said it was given to him by Nnamdi. Ikechukwu’s father knew my family so well that my parents could not afford a bicycle. When my parents heard the story, it was a shock to them. Although at present I do not support corporal punishment, what happened that morning with the cane was unimaginable.
Today, people bring cars home without employment, and parents are busy rejoicing. Kids without jobs give millions to their parents, and the parents are praying over them. No one asks the question “Where did you get the money from?” If you dare to ask, they will term you an enemy of progress. Society will shut you down because family values have been decimated. Everything is about wealth and money. Their decay in our families has crept into the larger families of society and religion. I saw on the television that students in a secondary school in Lagos were smoking and drinking hard liquor inside the dormitory. There were more than 10 kids under the age of 18 videoing themselves boldly. I lived in a boarding school, and I ask the question, “Where was the hostel master while this was going on?”
We may blame the biological family, but what happened to the school family, where teachers have taken the position of the parents, “in loco parentis”? The school has no values, I can assure you.Presently, people set up fake online companies and dupe people out of millions of Naira. You catch the conman and take him to court, and he may give the judge some part of your money, and the judge would say in the local language, “Come today, come tomorrow.” And you will get tired, and people will advise you to forget the money you have worked for your lifetime to earn. The Nigerian society should go back to the foundation of all families, which is the biological family, and help the parents to build good schools where parents can be confident to send their kids.
Do you know that some parents are afraid of secondary schools in their village because the news was all over the place that the students at that school use hard drugs, and if you doubt, you will be proven wrong. I went to more than 20 schools when I was doing my research. Teachers are afraid of some students because they have criminal records and can arrange with their gang to beat you up if you stop them from jumping over the wall to join their peers in the use of hard drugs. I recall that in my school days, when a student came to school with cigarettes. He was sent back home to bring his parents over. The parents came crying and pleading with the principal not to expel him. I think the student was expelled. In our present day, a family member was told to go and call his parents to come in, because he had missed school for one week. He went out to the streets and hired two strangers, a man and a woman, to impersonate his parents. He nearly got away with that, only thanks to a teacher who asked a very personal question, and the Pandora’s box was busted. I not only question the family values of the student, but that of the man and the woman who came to impersonate. We need to get our family values back before it is too late.
